Pitchfork gave Daft Punk's Discovery a 6.4, then history immediately unplugged their calculator.
“Maybe I just haven't taken enough ecstasy and horse tranquilizers to appreciate the tinny, sampled brass ensemble...”
Music Reviews
Meta-reviews of music criticism from Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, and more. Are the scores fair?
Pitchfork gave Liz Phair a 0.0. Her previous album got a 9.0 from them.
“Liz Phair has committed an embarrassing form of career suicide.”
Pitchfork gave Jet's Shine On a 0.0. The 'review' was a video of a chimpanzee.
“[The review consisted solely of an embedded video of a chimpanzee drinking its own urine. No written text was published.]”
Rolling Stone gave Metallica's St. Anger 4/5 stars. The snare drum got a 0.
“Their most ferocious music in years.”
Rolling Stone gave Chinese Democracy 4/5 stars. Axl Rose took 17 years to make it.
“However insane the wait, however protracted the recording, Chinese Democracy is, above all, a Guns N' Roses record.”
Pitchfork gave Liz Phair's album a 0.0. The lead single went top 40.
“Liz Phair has committed an embarrassing and transparent fit of career suicide.”
Pitchfork gave Greta Van Fleet a 1.6. The decimal point is doing more work than the band.
“Greta Van Fleet sound like they did weed exactly once, called the cops, and tried to record a Led Zeppelin album before they arrested themselves.”
Pitchfork 'reviewed' Jet's album with a monkey peeing in its own mouth. Zero words. They got paid.
“[an embedded video of a chimpanzee drinking its own urine]”
11 negative sentences, 1 positive sentence, and Pitchfork gave it a 6.0
“Drake raps and sings about his feelings with the same plodding, joyless commitment to brand maintenance.”
A 58-year-old man reviewed Sabrina Carpenter for Rolling Stone and it shows
“Sabrina Carpenter seals her arrival as a pop superstar with 'Short n' Sweet.'”
Pitchfork gave Kid A a 9.0 in 2000. The reissue got a 10. The music didn't change.
“As time has proven, Kid A is the border crossing into a new era of Radiohead and popular music itself.”
Autechre spent 30 years being 'too weird.' They made a quiet album. RA punished them.
“SIGN can feel overly restrained, as if Autechre pulled back from the chaos that makes their best work so thrilling.”
Rolling Stone reviewed Tyler's real estate. The album was mentioned briefly.
“On 'Chromakopia,' Tyler, the Creator has to deal with the truth.”
Rob Sheffield has called every Eilish album 'brilliant.' The word means nothing now.
“Billie Eilish is more playful, more pissed, and as brilliant as ever.”
Pitchfork gave Midnights an 8.3 without naming a single influence
“Swift leans into the lavender haze of late-night rumination with some of her most personal lyrics yet.”
Rolling Stone reviewed a 78-minute album in under 24 hours. All 27 tracks.
“Beyonce doesn't just visit country music — she conquers it, remaking the genre in her own image.”