The Verge called Apple Vision Pro 'a remarkable achievement.' Apple slashed production within months.

First of all... THIRTY-FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. I'm sorry, I need everyone to sit with that number for a second. The Verge published a 14,000-word love letter to a product that costs more than my first car, and the opening framing calls it a 'remarkable achievement.' Achievement at WHAT? At making your face hot? At isolating you from your family during dinner? At balancing 1.4 pounds of titanium on the bridge of your nose until you develop a permanent dent?

Let me ask the question that any consumer reporter worth their press badge should have asked FIRST: but does it actually WORK? Does it solve a problem an actual human has? Because the review spends fourteen THOUSAND words and never answers this. It talks about 'spatial computing' (a made-up term), 'EyeSight' (the cursed feature that displays your eyes on the OUTSIDE of the headset like a malfunctioning mannequin), and 'Persona' (the avatar that makes you look like you died three days ago and have come back with grievances). What it doesn't address is the FACT that you cannot wear this thing for more than two hours without your face filing a formal complaint.

And then there's the battery. EXTERNAL battery. On a wire. Tethered to your face computer like an IV drip in a hospital ward. The Verge mentions this casually, in passing, as if it's a quirk and not a five-alarm consumer warning. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. When was the last time you purchased a 2024 product that shipped with a separate battery brick you carry in your pocket on a leash? My CALCULATOR has an internal battery. My DOORBELL has an internal battery. But the future of computing? Apparently it has a fanny-pack power supply.

Here's the kicker, the part the review couldn't see coming because it was too busy holding the door open: Apple cut production within months. Slashed it. Reports surfaced of warehouses full of unsold units. Vision Pro 2 got delayed indefinitely. The active user base sits in the low six figures, not the millions Apple promised investors. The Verge's review will live on the internet forever as a case study in what happens when reviewers describe a product's specifications instead of evaluating its purpose. 'A remarkable achievement'? It remarkably doesn't sell. I'd like to speak to a manager about this entire genre of journalism.