GameSpot gave Doctor Strange 2 a 5 and She-Hulk an 8. Same scale, allegedly.

Let's load the dataset. GameSpot's MCU scoreboard, same publication, same ten-point scale: She-Hulk, a Disney+ sitcom about billable hours, an 8. Eternals, a movie the review itself struggled to stay awake describing, a 7. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, an actual Sam Raimi theatrical film with exquisitely choreographed horror set pieces (the review's words, not mine), a 5. According to GameSpot's own instrument, a lawyer twerking with Megan Thee Stallion outperforms Sam Raimi by three full points. That's not a scale. That's a ruler made of soup, and someone is using it to measure a river.

Now examine the methodology, because it's a calculator crime scene. The central criticism is that the movie is 'both a Sam Raimi movie and an MCU movie at the same time.' Marvel hired Sam Raimi, Sam Raimi showed up, and the review deducts points for the presence of Sam Raimi in the Sam Raimi movie. This is penalizing a thermometer for containing temperature. The review then confirms the best parts are the parts where 'Raimi is clearly given room to breathe' — so the variable that predicts quality is the variable being punished. I ran the regression. The regression filed a complaint.

Then there's my favorite exhibit: the Wanda twist is bad because viewers who watched WandaVision will see it coming, AND viewers who didn't will be completely lost. Ladies and gentlemen, the unfalsifiable rubric. Heads you lose a point, tails you lose a point. There exists no theoretical audience member who passes this test — not even a viewer who watched exactly half of WandaVision and then was hit on the head. When your criticism structurally cannot be satisfied by any possible film, you haven't written a review, you've written a coin that only lands on 'frustrating.'

And the final score: 5 out of 10. Dead center. The statistical mean of a shrug. A 5 is what you output when the spreadsheet asks for a number and your soul asks for a nap. Within GameSpot's own corpus, this verdict claims a courtroom sitcom is 60% better than the thing this very review calls 'moments of brilliance.' Either the 8 was inflated, the 5 was deflated, or the scale resets to random every time a Disney+ show needs a pull quote. Pick one, GameSpot. Because right now the math aint mathing.